Installing a Husband

INSTALLING A HUSBAND . . .

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate



Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "I Thought You Loved Me.exe" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5.Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 . In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

Shoveling snow...

Bettie was complaining that I hadn't posted for awhile, so to grant her wish, here it is:

Lately I feel like I am shoveling snow during a blizzard. Gratefully, we haven't had enough snow to really need to shovel much. Not like Mom and Dad with the piles 5 feet high on the sides of their driveway from shoveling real snow. No, I am talking about my cluttered home. It's that great saying: Keeping your house clean when you have kids is like shoveling snow during a blizzard. It is pretty impossible. Especially with life lately: a weeklong road trip to Utah (with all the packing and unpacking and new acquisitions and all the mess that goes along with these), two birthdays, sick kids, and reading the Twilight books. :D When I read a good book, I like to read it til it's done and the house suffers. I get so frustrated at the mess that appears as soon as I turn my back on a room...so extremely frustrated. I think I have a clutter fairy living in my house that throws everything on the floor when I'm not looking!

Mona who?

Kyle got this idea from a website we found where you can pay someone to put your photo in a famous painting. Pay someone to do what he is already talented enough to do? Ha! Meet Mona Karen and Mona Courtney!

Santa needs a diaper and Rosita the Snow Woman

Yes, you heard me right...Johnny came in with his new box of diapers and told me that "Tantas is stinky. Need wipes. Need diaper!"








Then, and this is a big deal for him, he took the diapers outside and spoke to Santa face to face. I think he was trying to find common ground with Santa. This kid loves the idea of Christmas, but is scared to death of any life size Santa. We went to see Santa at the Mall. Twice. Scared both times. When we inflated this Santa in front of our house, Johnny has been scared of him, but he will talk to him....through the window, from the car as we are driving away. But "Tantas" is right outside the front door and you have to walk right by him to get to the car. He runs! So anyway, we are outside with the diapers, and Johnny said, "Tantas, you're stinky. Need wipes. Need diaper!" He actually talked to him! He's not the real Santa, but hey. If he can talk to a larger than life Santa, maybe he'll talk to the one at the Church party on Friday. We can hope, anyway!




On another note, we had a 2 hour delay this morning for the 3 inches of snow received overnight. It was great packing snow, so since Kyle had the day off too, we all went outside and built Rosie and Rosita (we had no sticks for arms, so we improvised with roses Kyle brought home to me recently). First we made Rosie, then her top few layers fell off, so I put her head back on and we renamed her Rosita:




By the way, I am wearing a coat I bought recently, with the help of Bettie. I realized that my fleece jacket, which is all I have had for a winter coat for the past three years in NC and OK, would no longer cut it! :D

We Elfed Ourselves!

Kyle and I had a lot of fun tonight elfing our family. First, the kids:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1189205329

And then, us:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1189437690

Check us out, then try it yourself...and show us your results. Have a very Merry Christmas season!!

p.s. Here is the best one (Mom, Dad, and Nate)

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1206941898

p.s.s. Here are the Grandma Grandpa Patches elves! Get down Grandma!!!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1472949468

Funny story about Ben when he was younger

We've told this story many times, but I've finally preserved it for posterity:



And just in case you need a close up on the journaling:

Thanksgiving cooking lessons

We shared Thanksgiving with Bryce & Bettie, our game playing friends. We made a list of what food we had to have and split up who did what. Bettie said she would do the turkey, since I said if I were in charge, I would chicken out (no pun intended) and just buy a turkey breast. But when it came down to Thanksgiving morning, it ended up that since the turkey was at my house and we were eating at my house, and Bettie was not at my house yet, I had to cook the turkey.

But guess what? I did it and it worked. I realized that it really wasn't hard to do at all. I also learned this about pie making (4 pies and one cheesecake for 4 adults and 5 kids ages 7 and under??? crazy Bettie!), mashed potatoes, and Mom's stuffing. And her turkey noodle soup that I made last night with leftovers. I get afraid of cooking sometimes, but I realized that most meals are pretty simple to make and I don't need to make a production out of it!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!