My dilemma

Do you ever feel guilty for avoiding what you should be doing? I feel this way a lot. Problem is, what SHOULD I be doing? When I am cleaning house, I feel like I should be playing with the kids. When I am playing with the kids, I feel like I should be cleaning house. (Let's just say that living in tornado alley gives me an excuse for how the toy room looks most of the time!) Another one: when I am on the computer, I feel guilty for not working on my scrapbooks. When I work on my scrapbooks, I feel like I should be doing something more productive. (I'm definitely producing scrapbooks, but is it "necessary"?)

Is there an answer to my question? Maybe I need one of those instruction manuals for myself! "Today, you should clean the kitchen from 9-10 and then read stories with Courtney until Jonathan wakes up. After making macaroni and cheese for lunch, your next step is..." But, being the unorganized person I am, with great aspirations for super organization, this program would never work. I would never be able to follow a schedule like that. I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person. [I'm having a hard time verbalizing this idea. I started this blog entry a week or so ago. Trying to make my thoughts a little more clear than mud...]

I think that the answer to my question is perhaps that I need to learn to schedule: "organize my time and my life" (that's the title of a book I own...maybe now it's time to read it). I learned from someone to block sections of time for work, family, play, personal time, etc. If I know that I am going to include all the activities in my life (cleaning, kid time, scrapbooking, etc.) then maybe I won't feel guilty for participating in any of these activities.

Kyle is reading over my shoulder. He said that I should learn from my son Jonathan, who is turning one this month. He only has a few choices: eat, sleep or suck his fingers. And he doesn't sit and deliberate over which one to do next; he makes a decision and sticks with it. He doesn't feel bad for the choice he makes. But, he is also pretty good about balancing out his activities throughout his day. The moral of the story, I guess, is to "become as a child."