More dreams

So, in my scrapbook, I have a page listing three goals I had in life: buying a home, eating at Melting Pot, and staying at Anniversary Inn. Well, those are fulfilled. (And don't forget riding on an elephant, of course.) Something else I wished for as a child was to have a child born in the year 2000. I figured that by age 26, that wasn't too much to ask for. Luckily I got married in 1998 and we were blessed with our first child in that first week of 2000. You wouldn't believe how busy that hospital was. I think everyone wanted to have the milennial baby. We didn't plan on that specifically, but once we knew our due date, the concept seemed fun. Didn't happen. That's ok.

I realize, though, that these goals, although fun and good, don't really touch on me. My personal goals for accomplishment or learning. What DO I want to do or become? Right now I am trying to focus on my roles as wife and mother. I don't think I would be satisfied in whatever I tried to do unless I was satisfied with who I am with my husband and my children. In the meantime, I am trying to figure out what else matters most to me. Gardening? I'm not so good at that. I'd like to keep the plants alive, but I don't plan on keeping a farm. Family History? Well, I am getting more caught up on my photo preservation (scrapbooking). This is also a creative outlet for me. I would love to extend my creativity to decorating my home...but I am clueless about choosing colors and trim. I think our friend Vanessa needs to come help me with that. She lives in California, but maybe we can convice her she needs a vacation. (To Oklahoma??) Writing? Between this blog and my scrapbooks, I am progressing on that one.

I have thought that getting published sounds like something I might want to do someday. But on what topic and in what forum, that is yet to be discovered. I have thought about three ideas: weekly public interest columns (but again, this blog serves that purpose without having a deadline!), religious non-fiction, or children's picture books. Problem there being I am not an artist. Again, I have a friend, Susannah, who is. I'll have to contact her about that someday. And Kimber Dawn was an english major and working in publishing. I guess she would be another good friend to have for this one. But for now, it is blogging and journaling in my scrapbooks.

This morning in my scripture reading, I read from the Book of Mormon. It told of a man, Nehor, who went about preaching and building himself up. To get the support of the people, he appealed to their carnal man. He told them what Satan told people in the councils in heaven to gain their approval: God loves all of you and doesn't want anyone to be left out. Everyone can be saved, so don't worry about those people who tell you to be good and repent. In the scriptures, he said they "need not fear nor tremble, but that they might lift up their heads and rejoice; for the Lord had created all men and had also redeemed all men; and in the end, all men should have eternal life."

At first, these words sound appealing. Of course the Lord loves all of us. Of course he wants us all to have eternal life and all be saved. This much is true. The false teaching in all of this comes when he teaches that all men WILL be saved. The beauty of this life is that we were all given the power to choose for ourselves. Imagine how different life would be if we had no power to choose--there would be no point really in coming to earth if everything were already decided for us. We would be robots. This life is the time for us to prepare to meet God. To live in the presence of God after we die, we can't be sinners, liars, murderers, adulterers, or thieves. We must be striving to become like Him and be humble and penitent before Him.

When I read this passage this morning, I felt like I needed to explain this concept so I could remember it and understand it. Nehor, the antichrist, was appealing to the natural man. Of course his concepts sounded (mostly) right to people and the concept that they were ok as they were and didn't need to change sounded so easy and appealing. But the Lord's plan wasn't meant to be easy. When we understand the fact that He wants us to learn and grow and become our best selves, this then appeals to our spirits and we can feel so much more the joy that comes through living the gospel. The whole "eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die" mentality gives a false sense of happiness. Short term thrills fall short of giving us everlasting happiness.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. The rewards are far greater!

I can now check one goal off my list. Riding an elephant. I felt like a kid!

The OTHER reason to take a vacation

9/21/06 Two months ago I started this post. Most of these words were written in July, but I am finally ready to come back and finish it. We just got back from a two week vacation to visit our families in Utah. I learned something vital on this trip. As we visited with friends and family and even strangers, I realized that vactions serve many purposes. We get to go see a new place, visit with friends and family, make new friends, have new experiences. This vacation for me served different purpose. It helped me remember what is important in life.

It all started as we were making the two day long drive from Oklahoma. I remember vividly the day we stopped at a gas station to fill up the car and take a bathroom break. I visited briefly with the woman running this gas station out in the middle of nowhere and getting a sense of her frustrations with life. As we spoke, I felt like I was listening from outside my body. I was just observing the interaction. I began to understand that life is so much more than what we see and do on a daily basis. My vacation got me away from the daily grind and got me out of a rut and gave me a new perspective.

As I type all of these metaphors I am actually picturing them in my head. Imagine being tied to a stone going around and around grinding wheat. Hence, the "daily grind" and being "in a rut". The deeper the rut goes down in the ground, the shallower your perspective. So, getting out of the rut can definitely change your perspective. While on vacation, I felt like I was "flying" above everyone else, thus giving me a much wider perspective.

My map of the US

Thanks to the SS blogger (lisaroo) who found this. I am impressed with how many states I have visited. Well, mostly it is how many I have driven through on the way to somewhere else. But, it is still fun!



create your own visited states map

Our breakfast conversation

Breakfast time--it isn't just for eating! This morning, over frosted flakes, we discussed the meaning of life. My son Benjamin is 6 years old and has always been very wise and a deep thinker. He often asks questions about the nature of God and the purpose of life. Courtney, age 4, occasionally joins in, too. This morning, the conversation went something like this:

Me: How is your breakfast, Ben?

Ben: Mom, why did Adam and Eve eat the fruit in the Garden of Eden?

Me: Well, if they didn't, they would get to stay in that beautiful garden and walk and talk with God. But they would never progress beyond that. No children, no learning to live for themselves. They chose to eat the fruit to obey God's command to have children. They also knew that God wanted them to "move away from home" like you will when you get older to learn to make choices for themselves.

Ben: Oh. Were Adam and Eve ever children?

Me: Courtney, eat your cereal please. No, Ben. Heavenly Father and Jesus made them out of dirt and they started as adults.

Ben: Hmmm. Dirt and water right? Did they use the water to be their blood? (I don't know Ben. Maybe.) They started older cuz they needed to be able to start having kids, huh. Mom, Adam couldn't have been a prophet--he had no one to teach!

Me: Well, yes he was a prophet. Adam and Eve lived for like 900 years because they needed to have lots of kids to fill up the earth with people. He had many many people to teach.

Ben: Can we meet any of his kids?

Me: We are his descendents Ben. He lived 6 or 7 thousand years ago. His kids are long gone.

Ben: Mom, why do we need to come to earth?

Me: So we can have a body like Heavenly Father and learn and grow and gain faith and learn how to make good choices on our own and learn to rely on our Father's help in our lives. Satan and his followers didn't get bodies and having bodies must be pretty important because Satan sure is mad that he doesn't have one. That's why he works so hard to try to get us to sin.

Courtney: It's sad that the Holy Ghost doesn't get a body.

Me: Well, he has a special job to do for Heavenly Father that he couldn't do if he had a body.

Ben: Mom, I don't think I will know what to do after I die. Can I have some more milk?

Me: Huh?

Ben: I won't be able to see without my eyes or hear without my ears, since I won't have my body.

Me: (smiling) Our spirits will still be able to see and hear, I'm sure. Don't worry Ben. You will be just fine. Heavenly Father will not make us do something we are not ready for. When we die we will be able to do what is necessary. But it won't be all that long before we are resurrected and we will have our perfect bodies like Heavenly Father and Jesus. Cool, huh!

Ben: Yeah.



And so it was. We learned a long time ago that with Ben, we can't give him "milk and honey" answers. He is ready for the "meaty" answers. I don't know how much longer I will be able to answer his questions. I might have to start asking HIM the questions, soon!

My dilemma

Do you ever feel guilty for avoiding what you should be doing? I feel this way a lot. Problem is, what SHOULD I be doing? When I am cleaning house, I feel like I should be playing with the kids. When I am playing with the kids, I feel like I should be cleaning house. (Let's just say that living in tornado alley gives me an excuse for how the toy room looks most of the time!) Another one: when I am on the computer, I feel guilty for not working on my scrapbooks. When I work on my scrapbooks, I feel like I should be doing something more productive. (I'm definitely producing scrapbooks, but is it "necessary"?)

Is there an answer to my question? Maybe I need one of those instruction manuals for myself! "Today, you should clean the kitchen from 9-10 and then read stories with Courtney until Jonathan wakes up. After making macaroni and cheese for lunch, your next step is..." But, being the unorganized person I am, with great aspirations for super organization, this program would never work. I would never be able to follow a schedule like that. I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person. [I'm having a hard time verbalizing this idea. I started this blog entry a week or so ago. Trying to make my thoughts a little more clear than mud...]

I think that the answer to my question is perhaps that I need to learn to schedule: "organize my time and my life" (that's the title of a book I own...maybe now it's time to read it). I learned from someone to block sections of time for work, family, play, personal time, etc. If I know that I am going to include all the activities in my life (cleaning, kid time, scrapbooking, etc.) then maybe I won't feel guilty for participating in any of these activities.

Kyle is reading over my shoulder. He said that I should learn from my son Jonathan, who is turning one this month. He only has a few choices: eat, sleep or suck his fingers. And he doesn't sit and deliberate over which one to do next; he makes a decision and sticks with it. He doesn't feel bad for the choice he makes. But, he is also pretty good about balancing out his activities throughout his day. The moral of the story, I guess, is to "become as a child."